Ever since I found out that I’m not going to graduate with my course mates, I feel suffocated, trapped, dejected, guilty, and ashamed. Trust me, those feelings are terrible. Honestly, I’m working on it but it has never been easy. Even though I pretend everything is fine. Deep down I’m always hurting.
I started BUK in 2015. I was so excited that I was admitted into the course of my dreams (not exactly but still the same). I applied for Computer Engineering and I was admitted into Telecommunications engineering. Telecoms (in short) is a program in Electrical Eng. Telecom was introduced in that year and I was fortunate to be one among its first sets.
Fast forwarded, I started attending lectures, making new friends, and most of all, adjusting to my new lifestyle. They were boring orientations which I seldom attend and when I do, I pay less attention. Nobody explained to me how important such programs are. And I never asked.
In no time, the test came and I did exactly how we do it in secondary school. Reading at the last hour. So far so good, I did fairly well in all my tests.
My first year wasn’t much of a drama. I passed my exams successfully with a gentleman result (upper class) and I was satisfied with it.
Second-year came. I faced a lot of challenges. The number of courses I’m taking increased and so also the level of difficulty. I was told that “The higher you go the simpler and easier everything gets in university”. but it’s the exact opposite from the engineering perspective. I find it hard to meet up with deadlines, work in groups, labs, drawings, and attending lectures nonstop.
Everything started going awry for me. Transportation became a challenge for me (well it has always been) but I never paid attention. I started joining study groups and sometimes study with friends.
That really helps a little. Sometimes I also get a lift home from my friends. They really helped me a lot. Before I reach home, I become exhausted and won’t be able to go through my books. Handouts, assignments, and drawings piled up for me.
The test came and I couldn’t cover some of the courses. Therefore I perform poorly in most of them.
Long story short, the second year ended. The result came out and I discovered that I performed poorly than I imagined. With some carryovers also. It was really a bad session for me. I was determined to work harder next session.
Third-year approached, the stress of the second year was tripled. I tried, honestly I did. I gave it my all but it wasn’t enough. Along the way, I gave it up (I cannot come and kill myself). I stopped stressing myself and just believe that a miracle will happen. (It never did).
Exams came, I wasn’t prepared but I have to write it. I know, I expected that it will be difficult and it was. At the end of the semester, the unfortunate happened. I carried over almost all my courses. Where should I start from, what excuse should I give, what will I say at home. Thousands and one thought were running through my mind.
There and then, it is clear to me that I won’t be able to graduate with my course mates my friends. I thought of dropping out and I went to the sub-dean to help me with it. He talked to me against it and advised me to keep going. So, I decided to give it a try. Right now, I am trying to clear my CO’s. I’m not even taking a single course with my mates. That’s how bad my situation is. But I will keep holding on and working harder.
Morals:
- Your passion for your dream is not enough. You need hard work, dedication, and perseverance especially when you are studying a course like mine.
- Always seek advice from those that pass through the same program as yours. Learn from their experience and use it to your own advantage.
- Carryovers and spills are not death sentences; it is not necessary that you finished exactly the same year that was assigned to you. That is why there are additional years there for you to use. Everybody has his/her own fate. But work harder to make yours a better one.
- It’ll not be written anywhere in your certificate that you spent more years in your degree program. Why the rush? Chase good grades and forget about the years spent.
More Diaries:
- Some Disappointments are Blessings in Disguise
- Up North: Love Made Me do Extraordinary Things.
- My “First Days” At Bayero University, Kano
- My Addiction